So tonight begins the fall television season for me. And it's going to be a jammed packed night full of TV watching.
So please don't call me tonight. Or drop over ... unless you want to sit quietly and look at the idiot box.
Oh and if you're my kid, don't need anything from me after 7 p.m. tonight. I know you're sick, kid, but isn't that just a better reason to go to be early and not be all, "I can't breathe" and "I think I have rickets."
Mommy's gotta watch the 2-hour season premiere of Survivor and the 1-hour premiere of The Office, so she's going to be too busy to get you tissues or water or a college savings account or whatever else you think you need to get through the night.
Daddy gets home at 8, you can survive on water and bake Cheetos until then. Mommy's gotta watch TV.