Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Lunch with Lakshmi

Bill calls me at work: Where do you want to go for lunch?

Me: Um, we should probably just go home.

Bill: Why? Because I just dropped a bunch of cash getting stuff we need for camping?

Me: Exactly.

Bill: As I see it, we've already spent a bunch of money today what 15 bucks more on lunch?

Me: It's that logic that made me concede to marry you in the first place.

— Later at the downtown lunch place we frequent —

Bill to bagel shop gal who knows us (fortunately): I'm not Bill today. Today I'm Lakshmi.

Bagel shop gal: OK, so I'll put Lakshmi down on your ticket to be called out when your food is ready.

Bill: Yep, I'm Lakshmi.

Me: *rolling eyes* Tell them that L-A-K-S-H-M-I is pronounced Bill.

When our food is ready, the worried looking bagel shop girl calls out: Lakshmi?


Me: Bill, they called you.

Bill: Huh? What? Oh yeah, I'm Lakshmi today.

Me: double eye roll

Bill: I got the food, you get my latte.

When I try to take my sandwich, Bill says loudly: I got the food, you take the latte.

Me: I hate Lakshmi. He yells.

Bill at the table: Here try this ravioletti.

Me: I don't wanna.

Bill forcing ravioletti into my face: TRY IT.

Me: I hate Lakshmi. He yells and forces his tiny pastas on me.

Bill: Lakshmi doesn't want you to eat his tiny pastas, because they are too good to share.

Me: Good because I'm eating my sandwich which you can't have because it's too good to share.

Bill: Lakshmi thinks you need to adjust your reality.

Me: Lakshmi's lunch companion thinks that it's lucky she isn't married to Lakshmi, because Lakshmi would have permanent sofa marks on his face from sleeping on the sofa.

Bill: Lakshmi's gotta go.

Me: Indeed.

The End

1 comment:

Marlys said...

I think it's hilarious that Bill came up with Lakshmi for the waitress to call out... I usually give a fake easy name to avoid the inevitable pause when my order is ready...and the wrinked frown on the clerk's face... like what the heck is this name? I kind of like sassafrass... maybe I'll just use that when I order my next pizza. -Mar